Lets move to the practical part.
Unfortunately completely eliminating all lies from one’s life is about as easy as teaching a penguin how to fly. Basically, it’s impossible. That’s because we can’t control other people’s actions. We can only influence them with our behavior. So, we are going to increase the frequency of people telling us the truth and decrease the amount of lies directed at us.
Here’s how we are going to accomplish that:
1. Stop the behavior that provokes lies. Certain aspects of our behavior (as adults) encourage other people to lie to us. Here’s the list:
- Behavior that makes it easy for other people to disrespect us — submissiveness, self-disparagement, inability to stand up for yourself, helplessness, pure grooming or dressing habits, etc. People are much more likely to lie to a person they disrespect than to one they respect.
- Behavior that makes other people want to stay away from us — neediness, clinginess, abusiveness, hysterical nature, tyranny, etc.
- Overly suspicious or jealous nature that can be provoked by perfectly innocent actions on another person’s part.
- Behavior that makes other people afraid to tell us the truth — vindictiveness, abuse or overly emotional reaction to any bit of disappointment.
- Gullibility and/or unwilliness to face the truth.
- Asking a question with a pre-set one-way answer. “Does this skirt make me look fat?” “Am I prettier than her?” “Isn’t my child genius?”
- Asking a guilty party questions to which you already know answers or rhetorical questions (unless you’re testing him or her). For example, if your spouse comes home drunk, barely on her feet and smelling of alcohol, asking her, “Have you been drinking again?” will very likely produce a lie. Asking an embezzling employee, “How could you?” would also very likely encourage him to lie.
2. Close the loopholes. You wouldn’t make it easy for a child to stick his fingers in a power outlet, would you? Of cause, not. The same way you shouldn’t leave a temptation within an easy reach of someone who may be easily tempted. If all it takes is “a little lying” now and then, they will go for it.
For example, if your teenage daughter is addicted to text messaging, and your cell phone bills are outrageous, even though she keeps promising to stay within the limit, get her a pre-paid phone. This way she CAN’T go over the limit.
Or if you need to repair the roof on your house, make sure you find out the price range and the type of repair that needs to be done, and not simply hope that your contractor will give you a decent price and do only what is necessary. For he may be tempted to give you rather inflated price or add an unneeded procedure hoping that you will go for it.
Make it harder for people to lie to you by eliminating temptation.
3. When asking a sensitive question, make it easy for people to tell you the truth:
- Stay calm, unaccusatory, and casual in your questioning.
- Be prepared by gathering the facts beforehand.
- Keep questions short and to the point. Ask one question at a time — don’t pile them up in one endless question.
- If possible avoid questions that sound like an accusation.
- Ask a question when the other person is relaxed and the least expects it.
- Let them know it’s ok to tell you the truth and be prepared to handle the truth.
- Don’t let them get away with a BS.
(to be continued)
Related Posts:
How To Make Someone Tell The Truth. Part 1.
How To Make Someone Tell The Truth. Part 3.
How To Make Someone Tell The Truth. Part 4. (coming)
