I was recently asked how to make someone tell the truth. Well, it depends on what you mean by “tell the truth”.
Please, understand that:
a) to tell if someone is lying and find out the truth
b) to make someone tell you the truth
and
c) to make someone admit to lying
are three different things.
You can find out the truth even when someone is lying to you. There are many techniques for that. I talk about some of them here, in my blog, and I am writing a book that would teach all the techniques I use, so anyone can learn them.
Now, about making someone to tell you the truth… It’s not always possible. Even professional interrogators can’t always succeed at this. What you can do, though, is to increase the occurrences of people being truthful with you and decrease the amount of lies coming your way. I will tell you how to do just that in the second part of the article.
Making someone admit to lying is not always possible and not always desirable. Unless we’re talking about white lies to which people usually don’t mind admitting when questioned, admitting a non-benign lie is often humiliating.
“Yes, I lied. I weight 30 pounds more.”
“Yes, I lied. My business isn’t as successful as I led you to believe.”
“Yes, I lied. I’ve never had a speaking part in a movie.”
“Yes, I lied. It’s a cubic zirconia, not a diamond.”
Even if they know you know that they lied, people will often resist owning up to a lie. If you don’t care for the relationship between you and that person, you can keep pressing on. But if the relationship is important for you and admitting to that particular lie would be embarrassing, it might be a good idea to let it go. Often all that is needed is for other person to get the hint that you know the truth.
Getting a confession of a liar may be good for your ego, but it’s frequently accompanied by a strong resentment from him or her toward you.
(to be continued)
Related Posts:
How To Make Someone Tell The Truth. Part 2.
How To Make Someone Tell The Truth. Part 3.
How To Make Someone Tell The Truth. Part 4. (coming)
Comments
Dear Rita,
I was wondering if there is a way to make people tell the truth in two vital areas of small (and not so small) business: when you talk to the customer and even more, when you talk to prospective business partner.
If I can make the customer speak their mind, I will be able to address then and there – which means more sales. And the importance of the truth in business relations is inconspicuously vital
Dear Ordi,
Thank you for such an interesting question.
Lets talk about customers first. The problem here is that the old school selling techniques are based on two not such a nice “tricks” — deception and pressure. When a customer meets a salesman (i.e., someone who wants to sell him a product or a service) for the first time, a customer mistrusts him by default. At this point a customer expects a salesman to utilize tricky tactics in order to make him buy. A customer protects himself by lying, withholding information, being non-committal, etc. In order to change this situation, you need to stop being a salesman in your customers’ eyes. I will talk about it in more details in a 3rd part of this article.
Now, prospective business partner. Being business partners are very much like dating — you need to get to know each other first and decide if you want to have a relationship. You don’t expect your date to be completely open with you on your first date and for a while after that, right? Same with potential business partner. Although, if your good reputation precedes you, it’s a different story. Than, you don’t need a courting period — you’ve already known as an excellent choice.
During a “courting” period you have to find out if a prospective business partner is generally honest, reputable and fulfills his or her commitments. Ask for the information and do your research. If they are not generally honest and let other partners or customers down, don’t expect them to behave differently with you. They are not a good choice. But if for some reason you MUST deal with them, get everything in-writing, down to every detail and make sure to not leave any loopholes.
Generally speaking, your relationship with a potential business partner depends on whether they see you as a weaker and “needier” partner, their equal, or a stronger partner. If they see you as a weaker partner, expect non-committing attitude. So, the answer is, to make them be straight with you position yourself as their equal or a stronger partner.